


Where Do We Go From Here

by dandelionknight



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/F, Pearl Solidarity (Steven Universe), Reconciliation, Reunion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-07-28 01:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16231607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandelionknight/pseuds/dandelionknight
Summary: In all the chaos surrounding the cluster's emergence Yellow and Blue Pearl are forgotten on Earth.





	1. Where Do We Go From Here

Yellow reformed with a gasp, gulping in air she didn’t need into lungs that needn’t exist; a futile exercise all in all. She took in her surroundings, head snapping left and right; broken bulkheads, the floor littered with a wide variety of detritus, a hole in the ceiling and no sign of her Diamond. She closed her mouth, now realizing she had been gaping like a Ruby this entire time. How unbecoming. She would search for her Diamond – being left behind was most likely deemed necessary in the chaos surrounding the cluster’s emergence. Or perhaps she simply wasn’t considered. She shoved the thought down deep and busied herself with finding an exit. The ship was compromised and she would be of no use trapped within. She looked up. Starlight and void was all that there was through the gap above.  Night; the alternate cycle on Earth. Yellow considered escaping through it but dismissed the idea quickly; she had no means of reaching that high. She walked farther into the ship away from the ruined control panels and piloting terminal.

Yellow managed to make it a quarter of the way down the steep angle of the wrist of the ship before the floor beneath her right foot gave way. She squawked in surprise, hitting the deck face first. She struggled to extract her foot; so intently that when she did finally pull free nothing was there to stop her from tumbling down into the water below. She uttered some choice words very unsuitable of a Diamond’s Pearl, swimming by the light of her gem. She could feel the pressure building as she dove deeper. A breach, fairly small but large enough for a pearl presented itself somewhere near the elbow. She squeezed through and sank to the ocean floor. She passed by some variety of organic creatures, attracted to the light presumably. Their strange undulating forms unnerved her; their mouths were open and eyes wide and unblinking. The sooner she located her Diamond the better. She spared a thought for Blue Pearl; was she somewhere on this planet as well, just as lost as Yellow herself? She wanted to look for her, to find her but she knew that want was a dangerous thing for a pearl. She walked along the ocean floor towards the shore.

The tide tripped her and she crawled, sputtering and undignified onto the beach. The wet sand threatened to trap her and drag her back down again. Yellow staggered to her feet. She scanned the beach for her Diamond – or anyone. Rose Quartz’s temple looked out over the ocean with almost the same gravitas as a Diamond. Even after centuries of guarding the shore it still stood statuesque; a testament to the rebellion. Her Diamond would say a testament to their arrogance - to their hubris. She could see pinpoints of light from the human’s settlement farther inland. She wrung out her clothing and dried her hair as best she could but, as always, knew it wasn’t enough.  She slicked her damp hair away from her face and paced the beach, trying to figure out some semblance of a plan.

Panic settled over her like a fog. She didn’t know what to do; she wasn’t _meant_ to know what to do in a situation like this. Her fear manifested itself as movement; walking along the beach in a long oval, multiple passes making a track in the sand. She was so engrossed in her own feelings that she didn’t notice the light turn on in the window of the temple, or the footfalls of a once familiar person.

“Hello, Yellow.”

She whipped around to face her. “Oh stars,” she breathed, “It’s _you._ ”

Yellow didn’t know whether to embrace the other gem, or slap her after everything. All the worry, that grief, kept inside as a pearl was meant to. They were made to hold things; whether it was her mistress’s belongings, her tongue or her feelings. She returned to the restrained, haughty distance programmed into her design.

“I’m surprised to see you. Alive,” she said, when what she wanted to say was ‘I missed you’. “You’re looking well, Pink.” she said, when what she meant was ‘I’m so happy to see you’.

“I missed you too,” Pearl gave her a smile so soft that something in Yellow broke. She’d seen that face, that smile for thousands of years in her mind’s eye. How had she not told them she was still alive? No one could have survived the cataclysm, the grief of the Diamonds. But here Pink was; a ghost. Haunting her still on the planet that was the grave for so many.  Not only the Diamonds had lost someone in the war, but the pearls were never given the luxury of mourning.    

“I know you must have a hundred questions.” Pink always knew, always had known. “And I’ll do my best to answer them all, once we go inside. Blue will be very happy to see you too.”

“Blue’s here? And she’s alright?” Yellow asked, even though it was a redundant question. She needed to be sure. It was like a dream and she might awake at any moment to be standing at the feet of her Diamond.

Pearl extended her hand and Yellow took it like she always had.


	2. Do You Remember

Blue Pearl brushed her hair from her eyes and watched her counterparts walk from the water’s edge. It was like looking back in time the way she waited for the other two, watching them walk to her hand in hand. Blue was there again in the cold monochrome of some hidden room within the court of one of their respective Diamonds, tapping her fingers against her leg faster and faster to the beat of her unnecessary heart. 

_They were all as young as gems could be; without the weight of years of memories and demands. Blue still felt the call, the ever present pressure of being, but she also felt free in the company of the others. They lounged, decorum forgotten and legs tangled together, close enough that she could touch either one if she wanted. And she did; leaning her head on Yellow’s shoulder and threading her fingers through the fringes of Pink’s hair, entranced by the contrast of colour against her skin. The conversation was light, airy. Time passed like the sweetness of summer._

_Pink had made one of her jokes, something about some faux pas a Morganite had made; the details lost in the excitement of the moment. Yellow had thrown her head back and laughed – truly laughed - for the first time in decades. Blue had known what happiness was then, beyond the simple definition. Happiness was the tears of laughter in the corner of Yellow’s eyes and the way she tried to muffle herself by burying her head against Blue’s neck. In the way Pink’s fingers intertwined with her own, loosely, as if Blue had the freedom to choose to leave or to stay. As if she could have ever chosen anything other than this._

But it was never her decision to make. That’s the trouble with stolen moments; they simply can’t last. The war had changed _everything_. She was used to distance between the three of them, only connecting with a look or the hint of a smile. But there was a new kind of distance not born of simple physical proximity. 

Although they held hands, they didn’t walk side by side, as equals, as they always had before. Yellow let herself be led, her proud shoulders slumped inward. Blue could see neither of them spoke. She didn’t breathe until they reached the door. 

An eternity and that door was opened. Blue snapped to her feet in an instant. But there was no need to announce the arrival of two pearls to an empty house and she let herself relax a fraction. No one, not even the boy, Steven, was there that night. Blue let herself dare to think that everything would be alright. 

The trio stood silent and still as mannequins. No breath stirred the air between them. Then Pink broke the spell. 

“I’ll only be a moment,” Pink spoke softly, passing the other two without so much as brushing their clothing as she sought out something farther in the house. “Please, make yourselves comfortable.”

And all was quiet in the temple. Yellow opened her mouth as if to speak and then closed it. Blue never saw herself as someone with a way with words; her Diamond preferred the predictable and, in recent millennia, demanded silence. Blue sweep her hair from her eyes once more and looked into Yellow’s. They spoke volumes to her. Yellow was always so expressive, it was one of the things Blue loved about her, but it made her chest ache to see what was written on the other pearl’s face. She’d never seen Yellow look so tired. 

No, she had seen her like once. Another day that everything had changed. 

She waited for the other gem come to her; let herself be pulled into an embrace despite the damp. Blue traced seemingly meaningless patterns along Yellow’s back trying to impart all she couldn’t say with the movement of her fingers. She pretended for a moment that Yellow could understand what she had written there. 

Yellow pulled away, a broken little smile twisting the corners of her lips. 

“How long since you reformed? It looks like you beat me to it this time.”

“A week,” Blue replied. 

Yellow looked stricken. Blue reached for her hand and Yellow closed the distance. 

The words came out in a rush like so much air into the vacuum of space. “I wanted to look for you, but the fusion, she said the timing wouldn’t be right, that this was the best way, that –“

Yellow stopped her with a squeeze of her hand as Pink returned with a towel.

“I thought you might want to dry off,” Pink said simply, handing the towel to Yellow who took it with a look of mild suspicion. 

“Thank you.” The stiffness of her professional posture had returned. “I believe you promised me answers, did you not?”

That was new. Blue dug her fingernails into her palm. It was never like this before. When it was just the three of them they could be honest – they could almost be real gems. There was no need for the masks they were forced to wear. 

And Pink… was the witty, vibrant gem underneath it all? The person before her wasn’t quite the same as the one she had shared a life with so many years ago. Gems didn’t often change, not without some catalyst. It simply wasn’t in their nature; as immutable as the Diamonds themselves. But Pink had always been more dynamic than most – she was a spark of change in their lives of stone. She had never cracked under the pressure but burned despite it all. Blue missed that warmth. 

Or had that part of her died in the rebellion. Was she a shell, that sounded like Pink, that looked like Pink, but the soul of her, the part of her that would join her voice in song, weaving so perfectly together. When they would sing for themselves and the joy of it in their stolen time. The gem that Blue wanted to be there - was she still there?

Pink had loved another, had room enough in her heart for Rose Quartz. They had known this, even spoken about it; Blue didn’t begrudge her for it. She would never cage either one of her counterparts and even if she could, one couldn’t chain the heart. Pink had put a name to that feeling, that devotion. She had named it love. A love that drove her from them. A love that would change worlds. 

And she had changed them, had forced them to with her death. Blue wondered throughout the years if they had put a name to what the three of them had would that have made a difference. She couldn't remember when it started. They had all taken for granted that they were and would be until Pink simply wasn’t. Pink hadn’t been there to pick up the shards of the life she left behind. But Blue had. And Yellow too. 

Pink took it in stride. “I did. But I’d rather not have this conversation in the living room. Would you follow me?” 

Blue nodded. The world stopped for three seconds and then Yellow did too. 

They followed Pink to the temple's door.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and thank you for your comments! <3


	3. Chapter 3: What I’m Trying to Say

Pearl fought the urge to fidget as she led the other two into her room but her traitorous hands sought to punctuate the half formed thoughts that flickered in her mind. She had imagined this scenario – this very moment - for hundreds of years and now in the moment all the conversations she had played over and over were gone. 

Now she could tell them the truth. She was both able and willing but not without her ever-present doubt. 

What if something she said drove them off? 

Would this reunion at last be both the last and the shortest?

Pearl had no way of telling how this conversation would go, no precedent to follow and no visions of the future. She would just have to express herself and her feelings carefully and correctly – one of the many things she’d failed at in the past, both the last decade and past half dozen millennia. 

Pearl knew her own flaws almost too well by this point; her avoidance of the truth had cost her plenty. She wondered if it was a trait inherent to pearls; if a difficulty with self-expression was programmed into the design to prevent unintentional offense to their mistresses. 

Blue had always been hard to read, even now as she stood, impossibly, on the scratched wood floors of home. Pearl wasn’t quite sure what she thought of any of it. Blue had spoken little in the few days she had been with the Crystal Gems, which wasn’t all that unusual as far as Pearl remembered, but what did she really know? 

And Yellow still seemed to have the same habit of retreating into her programming, as if being the perfect pearl could protect her from real feeling.  


She didn’t know what they thought - of anything here but especially of her.

But she needed them to know that she’d never forgotten them. 

That one love in her life didn’t eclipse another two.

That it wasn’t the same as it used to be but she was willing to try to create something new from what they once had. And that she understood if they didn’t. 

But now wasn’t the time for trepidation, she thought, standing across from the other two and dismissed the door. Blue and Yellow deserved answers to their questions. They had waited long enough.

They stood on the stone edge surrounding the main pool, Pearl on one side and her counterparts facing her together. It stung, to think of herself as something to be faced but no matter. 

“I just...” Yellow sighed, and then began again, “I need to know what happened. All of it.” 

“We just want to understand, Pink,” Blue added; her hand on Yellow’s arm. 

Why you left us hung in the air unspoken but as present as if it were shouted.

“Start from the last time we met.” 

_It was supposed to be routine. Nothing about the death of Pink Diamond and the birth of Rose Quartz. Rose hadn’t told her the plan yet; she always kept her secrets to herself to protect them. To protect Pearl, in case of capture, she had said._

_The visit had been brief – as always, much too brief. They were at war and Pearl was behind enemy lines. But, despite her title of Renegade, no one recognized her, save for two._

_She held them too tightly. She didn’t know what would happen. Their hands shook, fluttering things worrying around the periphery of her vision as they spoke. Information was exchanged: about the war, when and where the Diamond’s forces moved; about their own plans for the future. And a fragile, indeterminate promise she never kept: Blue and Yellow were to join her, once it was all over._

_They didn’t speak about how they were – it was plain in the subtle way they held themselves and each other._

_If she had known that it was the last time, would she have told them? What could she have done or said to ease the future._

_She simply had said goodbye._

“Alright.” Pearl said softly, “the beginning.” 

_Nothing went how she had planned it; the war and everything it started. A pearl’s fancies and a diamond’s whim coming together to a cataclysmic head._

_All three of them knew how Pink Diamond had spoken out to the others about the value of Earth outside of colonization and how they simply dismissed her concerns._

_They knew about her double life; the right hand of her Diamond and the left hand of Rose Quartz. No one knew, save Pearl, that Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz were the same person._

Her fingers busied themselves at the hem of her shirt as she spoke. 

“In truth, I suppose that it began shortly after the colonization. Pink Diamond had wanted to see the first gems, some quartzes, after they emerged. She wanted to see and speak with them as herself, not as their Diamond.”

Yellow pulled a face, but surprisingly, held her tongue. 

“And so… I came up with a way that she could see them and walk on Earth without anyone noticing. It was meant to be just for an afternoon but…”

Blue caught on first. 

“You mean Pink Diamond…?”

Her hands twitched upwards toward her mouth by instinct but she spoke clearly. “Was Rose Quartz? Yes.”

She was so used to Steven and the other humans in her life that the lack of breath or the rustling of clothes unnerved her. 

Blue stood frozen.

Yellow snapped.

“But – but why? And why didn’t you tell us? You said it yourself - I remember - that we weren’t supposed to have secrets – especially about anything relevant to the war! We were on the same side– our side.”

Pearl didn’t meet her eye. She was right. It wasn’t meant to be a secret until it became one and by that time the damage was done, Pink Diamond was dead with one last command to keep her that way. 

“She thought it was the best way to protect Earth and the life on it. She couldn’t do it as herself.”

“Pink Diamond faked her death then, didn’t she?” Yellow stated more than asked. 

“Yes. Yellow, Blue I’m truly sorry. If I-” 

“You’re sorry,” Yellow scoffed and began to pace in a way that reminded her distantly of Ruby, “Did she fake the war too? Was this just another of your  
Diamond’s little fancies?” 

She pointed to Blue. “Yours was always saying how creative she was.”

“How many died? How many were shattered in the field or in hand because of this?”

“Don’t you think that I know?” Pearl couldn’t stop herself from biting back. “I was there.”

“Don’t make this about you,” Yellow hissed, “because it always has been. About you. Your infatuation. With your own Diamond no less.” 

The human expression would be her blood running cold. She had served her Diamond gladly, it was her only want at one time, but Rose was different. The  
love she felt for Rose was different from an adoration born of service. That she would have to make clear. 

Blue tugged Yellow’s arm. Pearl could tell she was watching the two of them from behind her bangs. Her grip on Yellow’s arm was tense.

This wasn’t how Pearl wanted this to go either. 

“It wasn’t like that.”

Yellow’s face was twisted into a sneer as she spat the words, “Enlighten me. Tell me what it was like.” 

She didn’t rise to the bait. Honesty was best. 

“I never loved Pink Diamond like that. She was as good to me as a diamond could be, I think, but Rose was different. She didn’t have the same influence. I  
could choose.”

“So you chose her.”

Yellow was crying. She seemed almost as surprised as the rest of them.

Pearl didn’t know what to do. What would be too forward of her or if she was simply unwanted but it seems Blue did. She was leaning in close, an arm over  
Yellow’s shoulders, speaking in her soft voice Pearl couldn’t quite make out.

“I’ll give you two some time,” Pearl said, summoning the door.

She turned to go but Yellow shook her head. 

“Stay. Please.” 

And so she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I had hoped to post this before the new year but things got a little busy there... Thanks for sticking with me and reading!


End file.
